HOW TO GRILL A TEACHER:  A Half-Baked Satire

1.  First sweeten the subject with a few perfunctory words. Make sure to mention that you're 
    conducting scientific research that will have "important classroom consequences".

2.  Lightly glaze the surface with a few harmless jokes & cursory smiles.

3.  Preheat the oven to 450o and prepare a suitably-sized containment device – gauge 
    9 galvanized steel works well.

4.  Immobilize the subject with a few thought-provoking questions, then at an appropriate 
    pause, obtain a six-inch slice with no bones about it.

5.  Perform a series of complex analyses to assess the weight of the remaining parts, 
    reflecting on which can safely be removed from the sample.

6.  Daftly drain any excess fat and replace it with rhetorical stuffing.

7.  Cook the subject for one 90-minute period until light brown.

8.  Finally, calculate the total weight then discard any findings that seem insignificant or inconvenient.

9.  If you are feeling exuberant, change a few decimal points. The audience reaction will either be a yawn or "DIGAF?"

10. Discuss your research results at a suitable venue, and make it clear you are always looking for more research subjects.


Satoru: This seems jolly and light-hearted on the surface, but on the depths there seems 
        to be a deep sense of anger and animosity.

Tim:    Maybe it is the opposite? The animosity might be superficial. At there depths 
        there is laughter and light-heartedness.

Liao:   I guess we see what we want to see.


=====================================================================================
from _Crassroom Voices - Poetry, Art, & Dialogs about Education_ by T Newfields
SUMMARY: Some devilish ideas about how to conduct mouth-watering classroom research
KEYWORDS:  unethical research, educational satire, pedagogical parody

Author: T Newfields [Nitta Hirou / Huáng Yuèwǔ] (b. 1955)
Begun: 2007 in Tokyo, Japan  / Finished: 2020 in Yokohama, Japan
Creative Commons License: Attribution. {{CC-BY-4.0}} Granted

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