Welcome to ABC University -
a great place to get a manufactured degree
with little effort but lots of money.
After receiving your bank deposit
and conducting a few perfunctory tests
you'll receive a student number
and nominal syllabus.
Lessons are in sterile, stuffy rooms
by undistinguished staff unclear what to do.
Semester finals consist of hazy, multiple-choice mazes
full of ambiguity 'n error –
but hey, we churn out grades!
We're proud of our university's rich heritage –
and especially our wealthy alumni
who protect the status quo
a fixed quota of bodies pass through our doors
'n commercialism thrives.
Melissa: Is this satire or fact? Liao: I duuno, but aren't many schools partly this way? Satoru: That's unfortunate, cause it taints the whole notion of education. Liao: There's a bit of "ABC University" in every university – the issue is a matter of degree.