Practical English Writing: An EFL Composition Course Assignment #22: Writing a Short Story

Snow Woman a Japanese folk tale translated by Taeko Kojima

O R I G I N A L

Once up on time ago, a man named Minokichi and his father Mosaku lived together. They worked woodsmen. As winter came, the mountains became covered deep with snow and they could not cut any trees. So they used to go out to hunt.
One day they went out as usual, but could not find any game at all. What was worse, the mountains began to change as if they were living creatures. When they notice the look of the sky was strange, the snow had already been falling. They kept on walking in the snowstorm, and came to small mountain cottage at last. They decided to wait until the snowstorm passed.
After they entered the cottage and lit a fire on the hearth and warmed their bodies which were frozen. Mosaku said, "Tonight, we should stay here. If go out to outside tonight, surely would die."
Then Mosaku continued. "Minokichi, why don't you get married? I want to have my grandchildren quickly because I am growing old." Minokichi covered his head cause he was shy when hearing that. They had such a conversation, but soon they began to sleep since they were so tired.
After several hours, Minokichi woke up because of the coldness. He found that the door was opened and snow was coming into inside. The fire was put out too, without notice. And then he saw someone in the snowstorm near the door. It was a woman who had beautiful white face like snow. Although she was charming, he was surprised to see her. She came in to the cottage and sat down near Mosaku. And she covered him with her body and breathed out. Her breath was very white and cold. Then he died silently. She stood up and came near Minokichi. "Please help me." He said. When she saw his eyes, suddenly her cold expression became gentle. "You are still young and have a beautiful eyes. I will save you, but you must not tell the tonight's happening to anyone."
"OK." Minokichi answered while trembling. And she disappeared into the snowstorm.
One year passed, and Minokichi never told anyone about that story. It was a rainy day. A woman was standing in front of his house waiting for the rain to stop. He found her and felt sorry for her because she was wet. He was a kind man,, so he invited her to his house. Her name was Oyuki. She was so beautiful. He was fascinated by her beauty, and she, too, since he was kind. Soon they fell in love each other and got married.
Many years later, they could have many children and were very happy. But the only thing Minokichi worried about was that she got sick when she was exposed to the sunshine. So he always took good care of her.
One snowy night, he was watching Oyuki who was sewing. "You are beautiful." He said, then remembered, "I saw a beautiful woman like you in the past."
"Who? What like?" She asked.
"It was a snowy night like tonight. I saw a snow woman. . . ."
Oyuki stood up and said, "You told it finally." Mitokichi was startled. "You are . . . ?" Oyuki turned around and looked at him. It was the snow woman whom he has met that day at the cottage. "I wanted to live happily with you forever. Why did you break our promise? I can not see you again now. Good bye . . . good bye . . . " After saying this, she left their house.
Minokichi managed to run after her, but he could not. As soon as she went to the outside, she disappeared. He and their children were just sitting in the snowstorm.
When we go to snowy mountain, you can hair the sound of snowstorm. It is a woman crying. She wanders and looks for a warm hearted human to help her cold body be warm.

Reference

Katou Katsuhisa. (1985). Yuki Onna. In "Manga Nihon Mukashi Banashi" (23). [Old Tale Comics in Japan]. Tokyo: Kodansha.

Q U E S T I O N S

1. In what ways did Oyuki resemble the Snow Woman?

2. Can you highlight why the Snow Woman was attracted to Minokichi a bit more?

3. Was there anything usual about Oyuki's children? Were they normal is all respects?

4. Are there any English mistakes here worth correcting?

R E V I S I O N

Once upon a time long ago in northern Japan, a young man named Minokichi lived with his father Mosaku as woodsmen. As winter approached, the mountains became covered with deep snow and they could not cut any trees. They therefore went out hunting in mid-winter.
One day when they were hunting, they were unable to find any game. What was worse, it started to snow and the temperature was falling. As the snow grew heavier, the land was cast in a white haze. In the thick snow, it almost seemed as if the mountains themselves were living creatures. The snow fell harder and harder and a full-scale blizzard developed. Minokichi and Mosaku kept on trudging through the snow, until finally they reached a small mountain cottage. They decided to rest inside the cottage until the snowstorm passed.
After entering the cottage, they lit a fire and warmed their frozen bodies. Mosaku advised, "We should spend the night here. If go out to out on night like this, surely we will freeze to death." Staring into the fire as the wind outside howled, the old man continued, "Son, why don't you get married? I want to see some grandchildren before I get too old." Minokichi covered his head when hearing that. He was a shy, but gentle-hearted person who had never fallen in love. Soon after this conversation, father and son fell asleep.
After several hours, Minokichi awoke because of the coldness. He found that the door had been opened and snow was drifting inside the cottage. The fire was had gone out. And strangely Minokichi noticed someone near the door of the cottage.
"Who are you?" Minokichi inquired of a shadowy, white figure. It was a woman with a beautiful white face like snow and clothing the color of ice. Although she was charming, he was surprised to see her. The icy figure approached and sat down near his father. And she covered her body over the old man and breathed out. Her breath was very white and cold, like a winter winter. Then Mosaku died silently. The myterious snow-white figure then stood up and approached Minokichi.
"Please help me!" Minokichi pleaded. When the snow-white woman saw his eyes, suddenly her cold expression became gentle and she said, "You are still young and have beautiful eyes. I will spare you. But you must not mention what happened tonight to anyone."
Minokichi agreed and then the mysterious white lady disappeared into the darkness as the wind howled.
A year passed, and Minokichi kept the story secret. Then one rainy spring day a woman stood in front of his house waiting for the rain to stop. Minokichi noticed her and felt sorry for her since she was wet. He was a kind man, so he invited the lady into his house. Her name was Oyuki. She had beautiful, white skin and dark hair, and eyes which seemed strangely cold. Minokichi was fascinated by Oyuki's beauty, and she was attracted by his kindness. Soon they fell in love and got married.
Over the years Minokichi and Oyuki had many children and felt happy. But the only thing Minokichi worried about was that his wife got sick when she was exposed to sunshine. Winter was her favorite season and she seemed to prefer cold places for mysterious reasons. Also, she avoided hot food. Their children, too, seemed slightly different from other children. Their skin was pale white and they loved to play in the snow. Since Minokichi loved Oyuki deeply, he did his best to take good care of her.
One snowy night, Minokichi was watching Oyuki sewing in their home. "You are beautiful," he said. Then he remembered, "I saw a beautiful woman like you in the past . . . "
"Who was that? What was she like?" Oyuki asked.
"It was a snowy night like tonight. I was on a mountain and saw a snow woman. . . ."
Oyuki sudddenly stood up and said, "You promised to never talk about that night!"
Mitokichi was startled. "Who are you . . . ?"
Oyuki turned around and looked at him. It was the snow woman whom he has met that day in the mountain cottage. "I wanted to lived happily with you. Why did you break your promise? I can not see you again now. Good bye . . . good bye . . . ". After saying this, Oyuki vanished into the snowy landscape. Minokichi tried to find her, but she disappeared completely. He was left behind with five beautiful children with light skin.
Even today when you wander through some snowy mountains, you can hear the howl of the wind during a snowstorm, which resembles a woman crying. That is the sound of the Snow Woman crying over her lost love. Oyuki still wanders the wild mountains of Japan, looking for humans to give her warmth.

Reference

Katou Katsuhisa. (1985). Yuki Onna. In "Manga Nihon Mukashi Banashi" (23). [Old Tale Comics in Japan]. Tokyo: Kodansha.

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