1. Rejoice among brethren -
the social connections might be useful.
2. Regard gossip as "divine concern"
and rumor as "inspired testimony."
3. Condemn non-believers
for enjoying what you can't.
4. Contemplate the ephemeral nature of life
and the eternal nature of vice.
5. Rejoice in the Spirit -
particularly good ol' Jim Beam's.
6. If your faith is challenged, confess:
"I am just a liddle ol' sinner
an' victim ah Adam's Mistake
But thank's ta Lord Jesus
Everythang's more or less OK!"
Chances are
you'll be warmly welcomed
to most congregations
where kindred spirits reign.
