3.Contemplate heaven by looking up at the random patterns along the ceiling.
4.Rise like Lazarus when the preacher nears his end.
5.Smuggle a few comics inside your hymnal.
6.Shout “Amen!” at the finest baloney, then smile enthusiastically.
7.Speak in tongues, purporting "divine communication" to stretch out conversations.
8.Offer to collect money to help "the needy" or better yet – decide that God wants you to undertake an expense-paid missionary trip to a luxury resort spot in the Bahamas, Belize, or Brazil.
9.Gossip in whispers, finely lacquering innuendos as "Christian concern."
10.Close your eyes in seraphic bliss without snoozing, especially during long sermons.
11.Praise God for inspiring aspiring dictators like Donald J. Trump and Vladimir V. Putin.
12.Yawn while counting hypocrites, then be brave enough to see yourself in all of this—the folly, the faith, the flawed, and the true. Notice multiple signs are connected to you. Smile at the lunacy, humbly acknowledging uncanny threads existing beyond our ability to fathom.
