 |
Species: Trump Sucker (Taenia Trumpi)
Habitat: Thrives in places with conservative white males and evangelicals,
but willing to latch onto any viable host. This parasite is found
in the stool samples of many middle-class Americans.
Size: Can grow to enormous lengths and likes to brag about its size.
Feeds on: Xenophobia and disinformation are primary food sources. Media coverage
is essential for this attention-craving pest.
Features: Genital area oddly warped. Hairy filaments near the microscopic head.
90% of this creature's energy is devoted to feeding and reproduction.
Predators: Claims that all mainstream media are predatory.
|
 |
Species: Bush Bug (Coleoptera Brutus)
Habitat: Native to Texas, but infesting many parts of America.
Size: Intellectually small, but with an impressive wing span.
Feeds on: Thrives in "us-vs-them" fearful conditions and "either-or"
thinking environments, especially when oil is abundant.
Features: Very territorial and hierarchical.
Known to destroy "uncooperative" insects
and produce large amounts of toxic waste.
Predators: None, but does poorly in open sunlight.
Prefers shady conditions to operate undercover.
|
 |
Species: Bin Laden Hopper (Aeoloplides Arabus)
Habitat: Flourishes in dry climates in the Middle East.
Thrives best when volatile mixtures of cash,
oil, and ideology exist.
Size: Larger than life – mythological proportions.
Feeds on: Social injustice and anti-Muslim rhetoric help this species thrive.
Also found in petroleum-rich environments
where capitalistic predators siphon off resources.
Features: Well-camouflaged and often invisible.
Able to hop great distances in a single bound.
Predators: Exists synergistically with Bush Bugs and Trump Suckers:
they both foster and devour each other.
|
 |
Species: Blair Beetle (Elateridae Brittanys)
Habitat: Native to the UK, but found in many places where
extreme income gaps and pseudo-intellectualism prevail.
Size: Varies depending on media coverage. Usually small and feeble,
but able to inflate size. This small creature is a master of disguise!
Feeds on: Requires significant financial support to flourish. Does
best in media spotlights and places with heavy cash flow.
Features: Adapts to diverse environments, and skilled at
camouflaging its position. Chirps loudly during election season.
Predators: Numerous. Requires camouflage to survive.
|
 |
Species: Koiizumi Cricket (Acheta Japonica)
Habitat: Originally from Nippon, but found whenever banking and
big business interests coexist.
Size: Micro-transistor size. Compact, but sophisticated.
Feeds on: Thrives on large cash donations, ceremonial gestures,
and nationalistic rhetoric.
Features: Deposits eggs in strategic locations. Popular among
right-winged insects. Coexists favorably with Bush Bugs.
Predators: Dragonflies and midges enjoy devouring this insect.
This species is particularly vulnerable around Shinto shrines.
|